WHAT’S IN YOUR WALLET?
Perhaps like my client, you’re sick and tired of being the trough from which everyone financially feeds – your partner, kids, family, friends, employees and even acquaintances. You can’t seem to catch a break. They only seem to need/want you when they need money.
You’re an undeniable bread-winner, you have the Midas touch and maybe even money seems to grow underfoot almost miraculously (or not). And everyone knows it.
Regardless of how you manifest money, everyone around you only seems to need one thing from you – your money, without regard for you, or so it seems. They look at you and see dollar signs.
At first glance, it feels like “they want me” and that feels good. But as you dig deeper (and repeatedly experience this) you recognize that’s all they seem to want and need.
WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON?
It can be a little tricky to spot.
We need to unearth the filter(s) through which you draw this behavior from those in your life.
The classic statement “you are the common denominator” comes to mind and certainly holds true here.
Believing “they’re the problem” doesn’t hold water. Everyone else cannot be the problem. In fact, they are not.
The issue lies within and what you want to do is root it out so you can have a different interaction. But first you have to want to change something within yourself in order for the outer experience to actually change.
For our purposes, I will highlight one issue a recent client had that attracted this behavior from those around him and I invite you to self-explore (or reach out for a session) to discover the particulars in your life.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
If everyone around me seems to only need me for my money, what hidden need do I have of them?
What part of me, needs them to need me?
What would it feel like not to be needed?
Now, now. Please take a moment and a deep breath and be honest because the answer can be scary. (For example, what would it feel like to really not be needed?)
This one will quite possibly bring up a lot of uncomfortable emotions that some part of you wants to keep buried and doesn’t want to feel. But here is where the magic lies.
Does it make you feel uneasy? What about it causes you to feel this way?
Notice your ego may say, “Yeah, that’d feel great if they all just stopped asking for my money and went away. I’d feel free.”
Are you sure about that?
Is it possible the real truth is you’d feel empty and alone? Could your not wanting to feel this way be what’s actually causing you to attract them in the first place?
Are the fears of being unwanted and abandoned what’s actually attracting this behavior?
STEP OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
I love that statement and it’s so true.
So, are you willing to make a change in order to experience a different reality?
If so, consider changing this transactional dynamic by being the one to act first.
Do so by stepping away from your own needing to be needed (aka your neediness) and pre-empt their money request using the following technique.
Money Technique:
- Pick one person that always only needs you for your money.
- Decide on something you want to give them (without them asking).
- Give the thing because you want to give (not because you need to give or they need it from you).
This simple technique will help break the cycle you have created within you and will begin to teach them how you intend to relate going forward.
Once you do, you will begin to move away from a dynamic of attracting others that need you (mirroring your own need) and change the playing field of engagement to be heart centered and self-motivated.
Remember, we teach people how to treat us. Show others a new side of you as a powerful way to invite in a new side of them!
PS. Please recognize, this is not an invitation to dismiss one of your love languages – gifting/giving others through the frequency of money. Rather it is an invitation for you to shift the inner dialogue you have around giving & receiving.
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Reach out today if you’d like support in identifying and shifting disagreeable patterns buried in your subconscious. I can help.
(Actual client names are changed for the purpose of sharing stories.)
